Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!

Now the day has come to witness the biggest financial crisis of lifetime. Citibank , Société Générale, morgan stanley and all other top banks across the world are taking nosedives. Do we blame these losses to some bad debts written off or lending off mortgage funds, some hedge funds blown up or to the most extent a rouge trader???? Think again!!! We are dealing with world’s biggest losses in banking which took down the biggest names in a century old history. And I suspect it’s not just a few human error, it’s a deliberate attempt to wipe off the wild- wild west’s enormous wealth!! But it’s simply not “oops” resulted in a loss of billions of American dollars, but whatever it is, certainly remains a “million dollar question”!!!!

Here’s an outlook to the impact of this financial mess!!!


A departmental store in Baltimore,

Two men in black mask enter with a glock and .22 gun. One can easily hear the noise coming from the TV placed somewhere on the shelf. A newsreader is talking about the loss which the banks in America have made as the result of sub prime woes which certainly makes no sense to either of the guys.

One of the masked man swiftly points the gun on the owner of the store.

‘C’ : enough watching news!!! Time for business, get the fucking cash register and hand me over a few hundred dollars.

Owner: hey, stop! Take it easy, I’m bringing.

‘C’ : then bring it fast, no funny business. ‘D’ would you help me burying his whole fucking family alive if this motherfucker reports this to police???

‘D’ : my pleasure!!

Times square, Newyork city,

A woman in mid 30’s strolling along the busy road, talking on her cell phone. From her talk looks like she had been in some brokering firm.

Woman : “ I don’t know, it must be another long day, I stood there like some beggar asking for money!”...... (pause) “ yes I told him to place his bets on yahoo!, it’s gonna surge, anyone of them will take it over, but I don’t know what went wrong!! Son of a bitch keeps making me calls asking for his 40 grands. … a wait for another voice on phone…………” yeah looks like I’m done”!!!

While on other side of the road a black guy of 16 is staring at the woman, above him a giant screen is displaying the live plummeting stocks of different companies and clearly this guy has got nothing to do with it. He waits and looks for the right time to make his move.

Woman : “ok maria, I feel good whenever I talk to you. Take care, bye”

….!!! “Ah”! ( the guy makes the move and runs away with her handbag)!!!

Woman : “ stop u little bastard!!! Oh man!!! (in disgust). And now this guy steals my purse!!! God what the hell are you doing to me?? Looks like I have to go home on foot!!

Washington D.C

Two pentagon officials talking on a secure private line.

General Hoggard: “ yeah, this thing came to my attention. He was a creepy little bastard who forgot his limitations. I should have provoked him to pass the resolution, but all you have to do is to save this for your meal.”

General Sheffered: “ all I have to do is to save my ass. Don’t you know they identified one of the spokesperson for the banks was involved?? Goddamn!! Even thinking of him gives me shivers!!!”

General Hoggard: “ get the hell out of here there’s no way we’re gonna get caught.”

General Sheffered: “ I suppose


Paris, France,

Before the quarter ending meeting outside the soc gen conference room a Frenchman talking to an American delegate.

Frenchman: (in a heavy French accent) hello Mr. frank, I can understand we are losing the trust of our people.

William Frank: yeah the way both of us have behaved in public, what on earth they are going to do?? Losing faith is all they have!!!

Frenchman: oh you are absolutely right. Don’t you agree we both are in the same boat. Afterall I find France somewhere relative to America!!

William Frank: (smiles in affirmative)



London, England,

A blonde with a pale yellow face holding a 9mm gun is talking to herself. From her body language it clearly looks her past days gave her a bitter feeling of disappointment. She’s on the floor and just ahead of her on her TV, Ben Bernanke, the current Chairman of the Board of Governors of the United States Federal Reserve is addressing different nations simultaneously through satellite broadcasting.

Blonde: “I thought I’ll go to London and start a whole new life, but everything blew up!!!! (sobbing) now I’ve decided what I have to do. (holds her gun tight and points on her head).

Suddenly on her TV Ben Bernanke’s speech gets her attention…..

“……… and for the time being now, we have taken a lot of precautions and therefore, we hope the condition in American housing market will improve. The subprime fear will be over soon and other economies will also take a breathe of relief with this decision. In last few weeks………..”

blonde: “ u were absolutely right John, I’m another victim of subprime woes."

And without thinking a moment further she shoots and her body falls on the floor blood coming right from her head.

Buenos Aires, Argentina,

In a motel room Munez, a guy from American origin is in his bed with his cousin sister. But does he really bother sleeping with his cousin sister?? Sure another corrupt teen. On the TV Bernanke’s speech is going on without any interruption. Suddenly he listens to the speech and glues to the TV.

“………… yes we did take a lot of measures to save the American economy from falling into a recession. We cut the key rates by 75 basis points and it was not even a month we slashed it again on January 30 at the fed meet by 50 basis points. As a result of which stock markets across the globe jumped with a positive approach including Dowjones. And we need to make………..”

Munez: “it had to happen, they all have advisers from across the globe some Europeans, Africans and some asshole Asians. They all fuck up and bring different strategies. You know it’s the same story of too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the food!@!!! Only Americans should be appointed with these sensitive posts. Don’t you agree dear???”

Cousin sister: “ when you are in the bed. I bet no one can do it better than an American does!! Get the pills!!!”

Munez:” when you’re here who needs a fucking four hour hard on pill???”

Love making starts again


Barcelona, Spain,

A black Muslim guy is watching the Bernanke speech on TV. And his curiosity is not simply because of being a scholar, he’s one of them!!!

Jose Abraham: “ who needs to bomb the financial markets again???”


Tikrit, Iraq,

the top Al-Qaeda operative in baghdad, Al-Masri is talking to his aides-

Almasri: "in this war Allah is with us. have you all come to know the financial mess all over the world??

saed: "we did ur majesty! they all are going to die."

Almasri: "do not underestimate your enemy. they still have a lot of money, big enough to buy half of the world."


Moscow, Russia,

Ben Bernanke’s speech finishes with an applause, the crowd which was watching Bernanke speech at a sandwich shop started to disperse. Most of them were keen buyers of stocks and they all used to watch every public announcement made by any news channel or a leader. This was their usual stop for talking shares and stocks. Two friends started to share their views.

Vlad: “no doubt this Jerome Kerviel has got over French nerves. How come a guy can ruin a bank of this big prestige???”

Mikhail: “ you better ask him. All I know that man cost soc gen a $7.2 billion loss. He is a rouge trader, let him die in prison.”


Somewhere on earth,

A man is addressing a group of most powerful people from different nations.

Chairman: “ I think there is no need to tell what has happened in recent weeks, everything is going as planned. But I’ve called all of you here to discuss this “Jerome Kerviel”. Do all of you think we should take him out of the prison earlier?? A?”

A: “no”

Chairman: “B?”

B: “no”

Chairman: “C?”

C: “yes”

Chairman: “D?”

D: “no”

Chairman: “E?”

E: “no”

Chairman: “I vote 'no'.What we are doing the world will come to know tomorrow. Go ahead with the plan. Thank you gentlemen."

_____________________THE END_____________________








Wednesday, February 6, 2008

being a philanthropist

JOURNALIST: “What do you feel about being a philanthropist?????”

ME: I feel like a human!

Had I been some money dude, I would have answered somewhat like that!!! But the irony is i am not a rich man. And may be this thing prompted me to do something for people.But at least I can assure myself that I am on my way to be something for the society!!! When I read newspapers about BILL GATES and WARREN BUFFET about their philanthropic activities, it took me by storm. I came to know about “BILL & MELINDA GATES FOUNDATION”. The biggest foundation in the world collecting billions of U.S dollars just to help people. Seeing WARREN BUFFET giving away 85% of his fortune in financial aid!! Where people save every single penny for themselves, eliminating a record eighty five percent of his own hard earned wealth in a second is not merely a charitable act!! It’s something that god should have done!

The founder of Seattle based software giant Microsoft Corporation, Bill Gates, officially announced in somewhere july 2006 that he is shifting his position from Microsoft to other activities such as philanthropy. He made that announcement when Microsoft needed him most, as the share prices of Microsoft was plunging day by day and the threat from it’s potential rival “Google” was increasing quite rapidly. But he did not care about it too much and clearly said even in this horrific situation that he is not completely leaving the organization, but most of his focus will remain on philanthropy. When I came to know this I thought about this for a long time that why someone who created an empire of this kind is diverting his mind from business and instead of increasing it more he is shifting it towards philanthropy. But when I went to the roots I found myself a mean human who was after the money and thinking of his personal gain. And at that time I remembered the famous “Spiderman”- “with great power comes the great responsibility.” And it was right. As today nothing is more powerful than the money and when you have it then use it wisely!!

I thought of different people who keep on increasing their fortune just in order to get their names on Forbes. And then I thought of these people like Warren Buffet the chairman of Berkshire Hathaway” who gave 85% of his wealth in charity just to help poor people. I found a contrast between them. And more interestingly when I compared both of the philanthropists, one the founder of software giant and the other the richest person on this planet after him “Warren Buffet” was far from acceptable. Both of them are agnostic!! Being not so religious they are doing the religious work!! May be they have taken place of the so called god!! Whatever was it, it was far from normal. But I came to the conclusion that by just worshiping god you can’t get religious as I have already seen people who do a lot of spiritual activities but they are not laying standards like these people do for living. therefore, for me whether you are rich or an evangelist, a true man is who calls himself a philanthropist!!!!